MANJA WACHSMUTH PHOTOGRAPHY

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MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH

Having grown up with a mentally ill mother and suffering post natal depression with my first born,

I have immersed myself in the theme of Maternal Mental Health and focused on the time as a first time mother

and the struggles with adding a second child to the family, being conscious of not falling down a big, black hole again.

While many mothers, I’m sure, will be able to relate to this range of emotions,

the tipping point from baby blues to depression is a very fine line.

Parts of this series was exhibited in Women's Work / a different lens, a group exhibtion

in Aucklands Ellen Melville Centre, across International Womens Day 2020

“bridge of control” – venturing out into the world, feeling organized and ready for the day, you’ve got this “in the dark of day” – countless hours in a dark bedroom, rocking and nursing a baby to sleep, over and over again while the days pass by outside. “while you sleep” – being awake on an early foggy morning, while you’d rather be asleep. The landscape seems covered in cotton wool and somehow the whole thing feels like just a dream “hold me tight” – accepting that the only way you will get rest or maybe even sleep in the nearest future, is to lie down next to your bub “bridge of despair” - walking here, there and everywhere with a baby in a pram and a toddler in tow, the last few meters before you reach home, when you realize, you have nothing more give “the demon in my mind 2” - is playing catch with the hopes and dreams, whoever wins the battle is ever changeing “you are what you eat” – eating with children is the biggest mess, and the stress of it all will send your state of mind flying in an instant “reset your ions” – finally giving in to what you really need: Space - to feel the wind in your hair, the sand between your toes and the sea-spray in your face. Nature shall set you free “the demon of my mind” – battling the exhaustion and the worry, the feeling of isolation, the sadness, the anger, the overwhelm, the uselessness, the unknown “you made me cry" - the sum of it all, becoming a mother, is so taxing. Giving up hopes and dreams, while adapting to the new normal, understanding that life will never be the same, you will never be the same